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Posts Tagged ‘romance’

Mr. Surrealist says that I’m beautiful and that he’s crazy about me. He wants to know more about my schedule. I’m completely blissed out just now; d’awwwww. I think I’ve lost all of my gravity. Last night was lovely and romantic and intense.  And now, now I go on to the rest of my day. *dreamy sigh*

So!  Today I get a box of fruit and vegetables delivered to my door, and I’ll run errands, since it’s banking day.  One of my latest “things” lately has been parking far across the parking lot from my destination plan and hoofing it over.  My friends tell me that this is unAmerican.   If that’s the case, then I am proud to be unAmerican.

Tonight, tonight, I’m going dancing at a nightclub meant for the over-28 set.  It’ll be a meat-market, which I’m not in the mood for, but it’ll be an opportunity to dance like crazy, which I am in the mood for.  If today goes well, I’ll work out thrice: a walk in the morning, a swim in the afternoon, and dancing in the wee hours.

Oh my gosh, he likes me.  I wasn’t expecting anything resembling serious so soon, nor would I have encouraged it, but this is so pleasant that I’m willing to go with it.

***

Diet and exercise (to be updated throughout the day):

A mug of green tea. A glass of iced tea.  A steak with a fruit cup. Twenty-one push-ups and sixty-one crunches completed.  Thirty minute walk completed. Twenty minute swim completed. Ate: strawberries, an orange, and an apple for lunch.  Ate a banana and a pork chop for dinner. Then danced for two hours at a dance club; drank lots of water.

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Angry healing

I find that I’m getting better in the head. I’m not moping about The Man Who Dumped me nearly as much; he’s not swimming through my brain just behind my eyelids and sucking away all of my creativity and energy anymore. I can think about things other than him–things like my date with Mr. Surrealist tonight, and composing music, and my diet and exercise routine.

I’m seeing now all sorts of benefits to not being in a relationship with him, and I’m beginning to notice things about our relationship that weren’t healthy or good for me.

From now on, all relationships will be healthy and good for me! Hurgh!

Stupid Man Who Dumped Me. I may be getting over him, but I’m still gonna sock it to him, and sock it to him good. He deserves to see me thriving without him; my revenge is going to be satisfying. Yarr.

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I have ridden out the plateau and emerged triumphant with a new, lower number on my scale.  Hip, hip! I say! Or, to be less anatomical about it, Yip, yip!

This morning I woke up at 5:00 with thoughts of The Man Who Dumped Me filling my head and making me feel very sad.  I still feel very close to him, and it’s with a sense of amazement that I realize that he’s really gone: he won’t put his foot on top of mine while he watches movies with me, we won’t go boating together, and he’ll never again seduce me by cooking dinner with a clean towel flung over his shoulder as jazz music plays.  It’s over, but I was bonded to him–and making a healthy break of this is damned difficult.

So, I’ve finished my push ups and my crunches, and now I’m going to go for a walk, and later I’ll swim, and I’ll kick ass in my classes and I’ll do well at my job, and hopefully over time the amount of pain and frustration this breakup produces will trend in a downward fashion.

I’m going to metaphorically kick this man in the nuts with my awesomeness, I tell you what, and then he’s gonna be all like “ow” and stuff. Hurgh!

***

Diet and exercise (updated throughout the day):

Fifty-nine crunches and nineteen push ups completed.  Thirty minute walk completed.

Breakfast was a cup of anise tea, a bowl of vegetable soup, and an orange.  I packed a pork chop, a baggie of thin spring carrots and two baggies of chopped celery for school.

I spent about a half hour playing in the water.  Then I had several glasses of water (I was thirsty!) a bowl of vegetable soup (which finishes off *that* pot–I’ll make another tomorrow), and four prunes.  I’ll have a little something else later.

The little something extra! Oh, holy jeez.  I had an avocado (a whole one!), and I topped it with the juice of one lime, some black pepper, and some coarse sea salt.  Nom, nom.  Now I am satisfied and replete–and want anise tea to wrap things up for the night!

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One part of this process has been, for me, re-labeling myself. I am not lazy. I am not unhealthy. I am not meant to be fat.

I am a health nut. I am active. I eat right. I will have a healthy heart and a low risk of cancer. I will live a long, vibrant life. I am athletic.

This is all about redefining myself for the better and shaping my body and my life to better fit what I want and what I can be.

The Man Who Dumped Me may never realize how far down I’d slid or how far up I will climb, but that’s just fine. I’ll know.  And I’ll know that I am muscular, able-bodied, and capable. So nyah.

I am a health nut.  I am a health nut.  I am a health nut. I am a health nut. I am a health nut.

A friend told me, after a long embrace “Your body has really tightened up; it feels different.”

Yay!

***

Diet and exercise (updated throughout the day).

Thirty minute walk–this time with a fast-walking partner. Yowsa. Eighteen pushups and fifty-eight crunches, check.

For breakfast, I had a banana, a tomato, an orange, and a huge glass of water. For the first part of lunch, I had a bowl of vegetable soup. For the second part of lunch, I had a banana and a cup of tea.

I played in the water for an hour, mellow-style.

I am, just now, having a snack of three prunes and a cup of anise tea.

Dinner tonight is fish fillets (wrapped in foil with garlic powder and slices of onion and baked), along with a side dish of stove-cooked zucchini, tomatoes, and sweet potatoes.  Nommers.

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I’ve hit a plateau in my weight loss. Oh, HOH, I say. This means that clearly I need to stick to my guns and perhaps work even a little harder. I’ve noticed that I feel the most proactive when I exercise twice in a day; once in the morning and once in the afternoon.  That won’t always work with my schedule, but I’m going to try to fit in swimming, stretching, or an extra walk into my day. I’m upping the ante.  Scale, you shall not cow me!

I have a vision.

Dream with me to the visioning place.

So, there The Man Who Dumped Me Is, walking along a hiking trail with the woman he left me for.  A couple of miles in, they come to a lake, and There I Am. I am bikini clad and muscular; I do not see them.  Instead, I jump from a low cliff, shrieking, and land in the water with a kersplash, and swim into the arms of my new lover… and I look happy, and The Man Who Dumped Me is both wistful and aroused, and the woman he left me for is envious and insecure. Yarr.

***

Diet and exercise! Updated throughout the day.

Thirty minute walk; check. Seventeen push ups and fifty-seven crunches; check!

Today is a school day. For breakfast I’ve had a bowl of vegetable soup and will have an orange when I arrive at the school parking lot.  For lunch, I’ve packed a tomato, an orange, a banana, and several prunes.

Went for a twenty minute swim.

Ate a pork chop.  Pork chops are yummy as anything–they’re all fatty and sweet and mmmph. Yum. Then I had a few more prunes, because they’re my latest favorite thing.

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I think I’ll subtitle this: “If Good Looks Could Kill the Heart”.

Spite is impressively fueling.  I have not told The Man Who Dumped Me that I’m losing weight; I do not allude to my long walks or dates.  Instead, we talk briefly and pleasantly about little things, and this is in accordance with my tactics: I shall re-insinuate myself into his trust, and over time he will come to realize what he has lost. Oh yes.  And then, then we he sees me a few months from now, I shall be toned and thin and long-haired and glowing with good health and happiness–and he’ll feel a certain sting then, I tell you what.  I want this man to cry for wanting my body and my heart, and I want him to cry but good.

It’s that’s sort of motivation that’s getting me to exercise every day, to eat vegetables, fruit, meat, and lentils (and very little else), and to keep up a skincare and sleep routine.  It’s also the sort of motivation that’s preventing me from e-mailing him to ask for him back, or to ask him why, why he could actually break things off so coldly, or to ask for a softening of the terms so we can at least sleep together once in a while and still say “I love you”.  It’s sheer “woman-scorned” fury that’s keeping me strong.

It’s really too bad that I couldn’t do this for myself because it would be good for me; that fuel didn’t feel immediate or relevant enough.  This fuel is powering me on; if the end of a life-changing, heart-bonding relationship is what it takes to make me healthy, I suppose in the end, the trade is worth it–but ow, the sting. Ow.

***

Diet and exercise–to be updated throughout the day:

16 push ups and 56 crunches, boo yeah.

30 minute walk (bumped up per my training plan)

For breakfast I had a banana and a sweet potato.  For lunch, I had a pork chop, cucumbers, and mushrooms. At last night’s dinner party, I had meatloaf, mashed cauliflower, and peas.

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Vengeful memories

The man who dumped me smelled like Christmas and felt like home; it is bizarre that I’ll never get to rub my cheek on his stubble again, or watch him make me dinner. I am *so* sad and frustrated.  This is like living in a parallel universe, or one that’s branched off.  I’m sure that in another parallel universe, the two of us are doing just fine.

Today, by way of lifting my spirits, I’m going to a Beltane celebration in the mountains.  I’m wearing something tight, I’m going with friends, and I’m going to get my flirt on–and how.

Last night I experienced what it was like to eat out, vengeful style.  I went to a Thai restaurant and had difficulty telling from the menu what would be fried and sugery and what would be better for me.  I took stabs in the dark and ate tiny portions.  I think it was a good effort.

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Edited to add:  Hurgh! As I was doing my push ups and crunches just now, I thought, “Gee, I am *so* lucky that my back is strong enough for me to do this, and that I can work out well and eat right without financial or physical difficulty.  I am a privileged woman, and moping about the Man Who Dumped Me is a trivial concern in comparison to having a pained body.  I’m blessed.

***

Diet and exercise! (updated throughout the day)

15 push ups

55 crunches

Breakfast was completely yummy.  I had a banana, a big old bowl of vegetable soup, strawberries, and anise tea. Zounds.  I didn’t mind. Plus, someone braided my hair and another someone fed me said strawberries.  That’s not a bad way to start the May, I tell you what.

Twenty minute walk, check.

Today I ate a small lunch at a potluck, and due to the festive nature of the day, somehow managed to avoid having dinner, which isn’t my normal plan.  The potluck included plenty of chicken and vegetables, so I ate those and called them good.  I also did quite a bit of dancing next to Beltane bonfires, and I’m guessing that that counts as exercise.

Also! Today! Despite the road trippy and party nature of the day, I drank water instead of soda.  I am proud.

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