Archive for April, 2010

Vengeful dating!

I met up with a long-time friend last night. I think I’ll call him Mr. Surrealist. Mr. Surrealist is brilliant and elegant in the mind, and he spent the night and the morning making me feel very attractive and very pleasant to be around. He can come by again if he’d like to.

Edited to add: Take that, Man Who Dumped Me!

Edited again to add: Mr. Surrealist would like to come by again! Next Thursday!

Last night, I did something very against character. Me with the philosophy that you just don’t use extreme temperatures on your face, I did this thing. I jumped from the hot tub into the pool and then back into the hot tub. First of all, it was amazing, and I’d totally do it again. I screamed all the way coming up out of the cold, shocking water of the pool, and then couldn’t stop laughing and gasping.

Second of all, my face freaked out, and I ended up looking like I had an outrageously severe sunburn and a fever at the same time. Thankfully, the outraged redness subsided by the wee hours of the morning, and this morning all is well in the face.

Yesterday featured a five mile nature walk. I saw hawks, vultures, horses, calves, finches, squirrels, and joggers! I want to go again!

Diet and Exercise Report (updated throughout the day)

So far, my morning has been interrupted because of the presence of Mr. Surrealist, but I have had a cup of coffee and a ten minute walk. I plan to go on another walk and get some breakfast ASAP.

10 minute walk with Mr. Surrealist. 54 crunches and 14 push ups completed! Twenty minute walk on my own!

Breakfast! A bowl of plain boiled lentils and a banana; hearty, compared to my usual fare.  I didn’t finish eating it until noon, though; Mr. Surrealist really did put a hitch in my morning. I’m a breakfast fan, honest!

Lunch! A grilled chicken breast covered with a squeeze of lime, and a chopped fresh tomato, both covered with salt and pepper.

Snack! A vegetable soup that I made of cabbage, carrots, zucchini, and lettuce.  It is delicious.

Dinner! Went out for Thai food and a movie with a friend; had tofu, green beans, a fish cake, and vegetables in sweet and sour sauce,  all in very small portions.  Then had a small cup of frozen yogurt.


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Skin care and spite!

I’d begun my new skin care regime just a few days before the breakup.  Now, about a week and a half later, my skin looks hugely better.  It’s soft, it’s comfortable, and it’s *glowing*. Seriously; I look luminous.  I wonder what it was?  I changed so many variables all at once that it’s hard to tell.  I’m guessing that the vegetables, fruit, and exfoliation had a lot to do with it.

Now if only I could sleep!  I do well during the day as long as I stay busy (and vengeful), but during quiet times (such as the night), I find myself yearning after the way he smells, and smiles, and shyly compliments. Bastard cut me good; he cut me precisely and agonizingly in the soft place. He’s going to suffer when he sees me with my glowing skin and tinier waist and buffer thighs, I tell you what.  I want that man to get a stiffy every time he thinks of me.

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Previously in my life, I’ve used two tactics with the men who break up with me: I either cut them out of my life entirely, or beg for reasons and for takebacks.  Not this time.

*This time* I’m going to stay friends with the man who dumped me.  I won’t ask him to take me back; I won’t ask him to explain himself.  I won’t discuss with him either my love life or his.  I won’t try to talk with him all that often. Instead, I’m going to win his trust and his gratitude, and then, then, later, when he decides to visit me, I’m going to wallop him with my physical attractiveness–and he’ll be all forlorn and stuff.

So far, so good–he’s sending me chatty little e-mails and I’m replying in a similarly chatty tone. Soon he’ll forget that I’m supposed to be a source of stress (as exes are prone to being) and come to think of me as a very good friend.  Right now, at this time, I am anything, anything but that.

This here is a spite-fueled diet and exercise plan.


Diet and exercise–updated throughout the day:

Today I weighed in at 208.5, down a pound from yesterday and I went for a walk in the park with a friend. Then I did thirteen push ups and fifty-three crunches.

I’ve had a glass of water and a mug of tea so far today; now I’m off to have breakfast and to go on a nature walk.

My breakfast was a pile of lentils with chopped fresh tomatoes and five prunes.  Then I went on a five mile nature walk on level, paved road. Lunch was a pork chop, a pile of steamed zucchini, and half of an orange.  I am feeling satisfied and repelete just now.

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I have long straight brown hair. Right now, it hangs just below my waist. If the man who dumped me sees me in six months or a year from now, I want him to see me skinny–oh yes–but I also want him to see me with enticing hip or butt-length hair. This is *totally* the time to princess it up in spiteful honor of his heart-breaking ways.

So, in order to this, I’m following a fairly specific hair-care regime.

First of all, I don’t put gels or hair spray in my hair. I don’t blow it dry, I don’t dye it, and I don’t curl it. I leave my hair strictly alone; it’s more of an investment piece made of silk than it’s a short-term style statement.

I also only wash the roots and my scalp; I let suds drift onto the length and the ends, but I don’t massage the shampoo into those areas.

By the same token, I only condition the ends and the length; I leave the scalp and roots conditioner-free by way of effecting some volume.

Then, when I brush it, I brush it as calmly and as gently as possible; I gently detangle any snarls rather than ripping through them.

Then, when I go outside, I contain my hair in some fashion so it won’t be damaged by wind, car doors, or freak accidents.

This is *all* in the name of preventing damage and pampering the heck out of my hair. The result so far has been that fewer strands break or frizzle, and more hair survives to grow on.

What do you do with your hair? Are your more fashion conscious than I am, or do you have other ways of investing care into your hair?

Diet and exercise report! (to be updated throughout the day)

I’ve started out my day with 52 crunches and 12 push ups. In just a minute here, I’ll be going out on my walk.

(also!  good news!  I started out this bout of revenge at 213 pounds.  Today I weigh 209.5 pounds. I am inching toward victory!)

My breakfast is a plum, a mini-banana, and a bowl full of hot leafy greens with chiles, ginger, and celery. I ate it with two big glasses of water; now on to the green tea!

Lunch was an interrupted affair; I had a plum and two mini-bananas. I need more food, but first I have to work a bit.  I have a tomato and an orange  and two more minis waiting for me.

Ate the tomato; ate a bowl of steamed greens. Now I’m on to the sugar: an orange and a sweet potato.

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So, clear skin is a sign of youth and health and is therefore considered to be sexually desireable, since, hey, a person wants a healthy mate.  Since I’m all about making the guy who dumped me a piteously sad about not being able to pass on his genes through me, I’m all about demonstrating my youth and vitality–especially since the woman he dumped me for is several years older than I am.

Therefore, I have:

1. gone off of bar soap and am using a gentle body wash instead

2. am washing my face only in tepid water, to avoid irritating it with extreme temperatures

3. am washing my face first in water with my fingers, then with a foaming face wash

4. am exfoliating my face daily (and gently!) with a new, clean washcloth, and also exfoliating the rest of my body

5. am wearing unscented, dye-free lotion on my face and body


6. applying sun screen religiously and liberally.

I’m also wearing scads of lip balm and have bought a hat to shield my face from sunlight when I go outside.  It should also be mentioned that I’m putting a lot of focus on eating a diet high in antioxidants (read: fruits and vegetables) and that I’m making lots of time for sleep.

I’m not necessarily sleeping much, since, hey, the man I love just left me and I’m confused and frustrated and really, really, really sad, but I’m making time for it.

I have, of course, a specific philosophy about skin care, but I’d be interested to hear about yours. What’s your take on keeping skin pretty?


The daily log! (updated throughout the day)

I’ve started my day with fifty sit ups and eleven push ups.  I’m about to go on a twenty minute walk. (I’m back! It sprinkled on me a little bit! Do I get hardcore points?)

Breakfast! I ate an orange and a carrot, along with two mugs of hot green tea. I also cooked lentils and am eating them with chopped tomatoes, salt and pepper, and a squeeze of lime juice.

(my food waste bowl is getting a little iffy under the counter there–better take it to the compost heap today)

Lunchtime-ish food eating! I went to a cupcake shop with a friend, so while she ate her cupcake, I ate a banana and an apple and drank mint tea. I’ll need a snack later, I think.

Da snack: (it could be said that lunch was a snack and that this snack is the lunch, but let’s not debate) boiled lentils with chicken bits, onions, and tomatoes–salted and peppered.  Drank a large glass of water after, M.J.B.!

Dinner: lentils and chicken bits.

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So, today, in order to jumpstart my day with an appropriate amount of vengeance, I cooked butter lettuce, romaine lettuce, kale, chopped celery, chopped ginger, and green chiles together in a big pot.  I ate them with green tea in lieu of coffee and went out for a twenty minute walk.

For lunch, I cooked chopped chicken breasts, onions, tomatoes, and garlic together and served them over brown rice.  I drank water along with it.

A few hours later, I did ten push ups and drank more green tea.

I’ll be telling you soon about my skin and hair care routines, and about my planned psychological warfare tactics.  This guy is going to feel wistful, oh yes.

Oh! Also, today I applied whitening strips to my teeth. Not tidily. But I applied them.  Pretty soon I’ll tell you what I had for dinner.

Edit: the promised update!  Dinner is a sweet potato, cold steamed greens, a miniature banana, a plum, and just a bit of beef jerky. I drank three glasses of water just before I ate; I was thirsty!

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One segment of my plan has to do with upping my physical attractiveness.  I happen to know that the man who dumped me is especially susceptible to sexual urges, so I can really stick it to him by being (1. sexually desirable and (2. unobtainable.

So, to begin, I’m:

1. whitening my teeth

2. clearing up my skin

3. losing weight

4. growing out my hair

The wardrobe part will have to wait until later, since my clothing size will change, however, according to Jamie Cat Callan’s  French Women Don’t Sleep Alone, a remarkably seductive-without-trying-too-hard outfit is the dress + boots combination.  I will be buying dresses and boots when I get down to my target weight.

But to start with, today I formulated my weight loss plan.  It involves three things:  jogging, a diet, and push ups.

I’ll be interval training my way up to a thirty-minute jog every morning except for Sunday. Today I started my program with a twenty minute walk.

I’m going to eat like a health nut: I’m going to build my meals around fresh fruits, vegetables, legumes, brown rice, and lean meats.  Plus, I’m going to drink more water and replace coffee with green tea. I’m giving up on alcohol, sugar, butter, and processed foods for now: this is a real push for  change.

I have a push up dream: to do 100 push ups in a single day.  I began today with ten push ups.  Tomorrow I’ll do eleven, and I’ll add one push up per day until I reach 100.

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